CHARACTERS:
● Liz: college-aged girl
● Cam: college-aged boy
● Brandon: college-aged boy, Liz’s best friend
● Todd: college-aged boy. Brandon’s boyfriend (no lines)
SETTING: A house party. New Year’s Eve. Close to midnight.
TIME: Recently.
AT RISE: LIZ approaches BRANDON, who is dancing in the corner and drinking from a red solo cup. She looks sweaty and annoyed.
LIZ
Jesus fuck Brandon I’ve spent all night scoping the party for available lips for midnight and all I’ve got to show for it is the realization that Rebecca has basically NO single friends.
(BRANDON hugs her sloppily and stops dancing)
BRANDON
And you got creepy Dave’s number.
LIZ
Yeah fuck off. Anyone who writes a haiku on the napkin along with the number and unapologetically sniffs my hair is a fucking psycho.
BRANDON
Tsk tsk, with that attitude the only boy you’re gonna be kissing at midnight is Mike….Mike’s hard lemonade.
(BRANDON laughs, LIZ elbows him)
LIZ
I repeat, fuck off?
BRANDON
No come on actually though Liz, you’re not seriously gonna let a kiss from some dude make or break your night.
LIZ (wavering)
I’m not I just….last year was such a shitshow. Like, dumped the day before?
BRANDON
Shit dude I forgot that was so close to New Year’s Eve.
LIZ
Yeah, I watched the ball drop with my cat and even she ran away before I could kiss her!
BRANDON
Screw Mark, I swear if I saw him in the street I’d—
(BRANDON’s boyfriend Todd enters and puts his arm around his waist, distracting BRANDON. LIZ rolls her eyes, clearly used to this.)
LIZ
Ugh, I can’t even look at you two right now.
BRANDON
Come on Lizzie, get out of that head of yours and come dance with us.
(BRANDON’s boyfriend Todd enters and puts his arm around his waist, distracting BRANDON. LIZ rolls her eyes, clearly used to this.)
LIZ
In a bit. I’ve consumed so many liquids tonight I gotta release the kraken.
(BRANDON turns from giggling at something Todd says, distracted after LIZ’s hesitation. He is clearly drunk.)
BRANDON
You’re so poetic Liz. Write me a haiku while you go?
(Liz wiggles her middle finger at him goodnaturedly as she walks away)
BRANDON (calling after her)
Nine minutes til midnight!
(she stumbles around slightly, opening a door with a paper sign that has “bathroom” written on it. She walks in and looks at herself in the mirror)
LIZ
Motherfucker, have I looked this shit all night?
(A boy sits in the bathtub, a copy of TigerBeat in his hand and one headphone in. He looks comfortable and undisturbed to have LIZ there.)
CAM
It’s Cam actually. And if it helps, I’m pretty sure everyone out there is too drunk to notice how you look.
(LIZ jumps in surprise at the unexpected person.)
You look fine, by the way.
LIZ
What the fuck? Dude.. Cam… whatever why are you sitting in the tub reading Tiger Beat?
CAM
I’m discovering which perfume goes best with my star sign. I’m hoping for something floral. Don’t mind me.
(CAM looks back down at his magazine, LIZ stares at him trying to speak)
LIZ
Um…CAM?
(CAM looks up casually)
CAM
Yeah?
LIZ
I kinda mind you being here while I drop trough if you don’t mind leaving.
CAM (nonchalantly)
I can pull the curtain and put on my headphones, you won’t even know I’m here.
LIZ (shrugging)
Fuck it, fine
(LIZ closes the curtain, CAM puts both his headphones back on and goes back to his reading. LIZ pulls down her pants and sits on the toilet. She waits a minute.)
Cam?
(no response)
Cam!
(CAM responds from behind the curtain)
CAM
You’ve interrupted a really good podcast whatever your name is.
LIZ
It’s Liz…
(beat)
I can’t pee knowing you’re here.
CAM
What? I can’t even see you right now.
(LIZ crosses her arms)
LIZ
Yeah but I still know you’re here.
(CAM looks amused and takes out his headphones. The curtain is still closed.)
CAM
Would it help if I sang you a tune?
LIZ
Yeah, maybe no.
CAM (singing)
The wheels on the bus go round and round—
LIZ (interrupting)
–fuck you dude.
CAM (continuing)
—round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus…
(the sound of urine hitting the bottom of the toilet is heard. CAM laughs)
I didn’t realize it’d be that effective.
LIZ (embarrassed)
I guess your singing voice is just so terrible my body would do anything to stop it.
CAM (unbothered)
Maybe so, but glad I could help regardless.
(LIZ wipes and washes her hands. She walks over to the shower and whips open the curtain)
LIZ
So why aren’t you at the party, actually?
CAM (matter-of-factly)
The host is my best friend’s new girlfriend and he didn’t want to come alone and I owed him a favor.
LIZ
So you’re the type that gets forced to go to a party, huh? That doesn’t really seem like a favor.
CAM
I’m just not that big on New Year’s Eve. Nothing like waking up hungover and disappointed to reign in another year.
LIZ
Big on the cynicism though, huh?
CAM
Eh, maybe.
(beat)
You seem to actually want to be here, so why are you still in this bathroom with me with only–
(checks watch)
—five minutes until midnight.
LIZ
Fuck, five minutes?
CAM
Yup, five minutes.
(LIZ sighs and slides down the door of the bathroom until she’s sitting on the ground with her back to it)
LIZ (defeatedly)
Five minutes.
CAM
I think that’s supposed to be a good thing? I mean don’t ask me, but that’s the general consensus.
LIZ (laughs)
I really thought this was going to be the New Year’s Eve party that I was going to get a kiss. A good kiss, not just a pity peck, or one from some sloppy drunk dude with his hand on my ass.
CAM
No viable options at the party, huh? I feel like it can’t be that hard.
LIZ (shakes her head)
I scoped out the whole party. Most of the guys came here with someone or are gay or are gross or are a peeping tom in a bathtub.
(LIZ looks at CAM accusingly, but with no malice in her eyes)
CAM
Hey! I’m many things, but a peeping Tom isn’t one of them.
(beat)
Why is a kiss at a random time of year decided by someone hundreds of years ago so important.
(LIZ looks at CAM, still sitting on the floor)
LIZ
It’s not the time, exactly. It’s the meaning, I guess.
(beat)
It’s that moment. That moment when the ball drops and time stops for a minute and there’s confetti and everyone is cheering and there’s champagne and embraces. I don’t know. Normally I would gag at that kind of thing, but maybe I just wanted a little bit of that joy tonight.
CAM
And you think that joy is gonna be transferred to you through tongue?
(LIZ flips CAM off, hiding her blushing cheeks)
Ok, fine, I actually see your point a bit. Everyone deserves a little joy.
(beat)
Maybe it’s none of my business, but if that’s not your thing normally then why do you give a shit now?
LIZ
I don’t know…maybe it’s always been my thing and I just hate to admit it. Maybe I want to feel genuinely wanted. Doesn’t everyone?
(beat)
Besides, if I’m going to wake up tomorrow hungover and disappointed tomorrow, at least let it be with someone I can go get egg mcmuffins with.
(CAM nods thoughtfully. They are silent for a moment.)
Minutes until midnight?
(CAM looks at his watch)
CAM
Three minutes.
(LIZ curses under her breath. She looks at the door, silently deliberating. She finally stands up.)
LIZ
Fuck it, I can’t. Fuck this whole fucking night. Room for one more in that tub?
(CAM moves his legs towards him to accommodate an extra space)
CAM
How could I refuse such pleasant company?
(LIZ sits opposite CAM in the tub. Their legs are touching. CAM hands LIZ his copy of Tigerbeat.)
So you can see which member of One Direction is your soulmate.
LIZ (laughs)
How old is this magazine?
(beat)
Brandon is probably wondering where I am.
CAM
Brandon?
LIZ
My best friend. He’s here with his boyfriend though and I’m just not in the mood to see their happiness. Bitchy, I know.
CAM
I don’t know, that’s pretty sane. But we’ve established I’m a cynic so
(CAM shrugs)
maybe he’ll think you got your kiss.
LIZ
I would love to prove him right. But, like I said,
(she looks down at the magazine to avoid CAM’s eyes)
no pity peck.
CAM (laughs awkwardly)
Didn’t realize I was offering.
(LIZ blushes and circles her arms around her knees, making herself smaller)
LIZ
Shit.
(beat)
So, maybe I’ll take this quiz then. I’m hoping for Harry.
(LIZ opens the magazine and starts looking at the quiz.)
CAM
Yeah, I could see that for you.
(CAM watches LIZ take the quiz and smiles. He checks his watch and looks at LIZ, hesitating)
Um, thirty seconds now.
(LIZ looks up at CAM)
LIZ
Thirty seconds.
(beat)
I suppose a firm handshake at midnight will suffice?
CAM
Sounds sufficiently passionate.
(An alarm sound goes off on CAM’s watch. Muted cheers from outside the bathroom can be heard. He whispers.)
Happy new year, Liz.
(she laughs and whispers back)
(she laughs and whispers back)
LIZ
You had an alarm set for midnight?
CAM (laughing)
I wanted to know when I could go home!
(LIZ shakes her head and laughs)
LIZ
Happy new year, CAM.
(They look at each other. LIZ breaks the silence)
So, can I get that handshake now?
(LIZ smiles at the absurdity of the question. CAM hesitates for a moment, then makes a show out of reaching out his hand to her. They shake hands for longer than is protocol and lock eyes. CAM pulls away first.)
CAM (avoiding her eyes)
Sorry it wasn’t the kiss you wanted.
LIZ
It’s ok. I think I got a moment, whatever kind of moment it was.
(CAM grins)
CAM
I do what I can.
(beat)
So…did you finish the quiz?
LIZ
Yeah, I got Niall.
(LIZ shrugs amicably)
I guess I don’t know shit about shit.
CAM
The year just started. You don’t need to know anything for a few minutes.
LIZ
If only. Can’t spend my life in a bathtub, though.
CAM
Yeah…
(CAM looks at LIZ while she checks her phone and finds quite a few messages)
LIZ
Didn’t realize how popular I am.
CAM
Brandon wondering where you are?
LIZ
Yeah, he’s drunk and wants to go home.
(LIZ and CAM look at each other)
CAM
Well, I guess that’s your cue. Thanks for stopping by, I can honestly say it made my night.
LIZ
Yeah, I’m surprised no one else tried to come in.
CAM (teasing)
And miss the ball drop? You’d have to be a total loser.
(LIZ extracts herself from the bathtub, untangling their legs.)
LIZ
Yeah well fuck you, Cam.
(CAM stands up)
CAM
Fuck you too, Liz.
(CAM puts his arm on LIZ’s shoulder, she turns around to face him. He looks at her, hesitating. Finally, he leans in and gives her a small kiss on the lips)
There. Now it’s not out of pity.
(LIZ pauses and smiles)
LIZ
What time is it?
(CAM looks at his watch)
CAM
12:03, New Year’s Day
LIZ (beaming)
Close enough.
END SCENE
