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Written Transcript

Last month, at a “die in” organized by local high schoolers against the Genocide in Gaza.

I’m sitting on the curb and all these 15 year olds are lying in the street in front of me. They start reading a  list of those killed over the PA.

I find I can’t stop thinking about the kids at my work at an afterschool– Their absolute aliveness.

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Sweet moments. Friendship. Terror. Beads spilled on the floor.

Head down on the table sobbing it’s time to stop playing video games.

Running as fast as you can.

—–

I can’t stop thinking about the joy, agony, and work of childhood.

The work!

Pretending over and over again that I know any of the rules.

Trying to convince either one of us that right and wrong exists.

That it matters!

—–

And not being able to provide that for a child:

That you will be safe,

That I will be here,

That no mistake is irreparable.

—–

As an adult, I’ve spent so many

Days watching all of it in the kids

I’ve worked with.

—–

The times you’re selfish.

The times you’re kind.

Cleaning up and starting over again and again.

Childhood is to be alive.

Childhood is incredibly difficult.

——-

The world that revolves around you 

And your best friend and the bracelet

Business you made isn’t a lesser one.

It isn’t a half-existence.

At least in my experience, childhood was overflowing, vibrant, and terrifying.

Learning the world and learning yourself is Perilous even under the best

CIRCUMSTANCES.

——

I can’t stop thinking about how real kids are. There’s so much focus on “What will you be when you grow up?” But here you are, a real, complete, and amazing person.

—-

Here you are, you’re an eye staring at the sun. The world is fast and big and often uncaring.

—–

I can’t stop thinking about your realness.

Your name as a name on that list.

Over and over.

The names on that list as you.

Real and perfect and in a rush and wanting the world to come.