Australian culture has never been particularly well looked after in its home country. Decades of poor funding and even worse management has led to Australian’s creative traditions being devoured by American and European traditions. Few ordinary Australians could name an Australian painter or writer, possibly they could name a film or an actor. It’s a special kind of tradition that began almost as far back as the 1950’s and was described then as ‘the Cultural Cringe’ (Phillips).

Our uniquely Australian perspective is like a stubborn plant occasionally treated with liquid fertilizer, more often than not it’s casually sprayed with weed killer. It has not exactly thrived but managed to find a couple of patches of dirt in which its roots can grow and a few flowers can perhaps not bloom but at least reach maturity. 

Melbourne in particular, is a UNESCO City of Literature but has been let down on the state and  federal level by politicians who see the Arts as simply another financial wing of the Australian  economy: a profitable export. 

What I thought I might do is give you a list of some superb examples of Australian writing that you may be missing out on. I really do think that Australian culture is ill defined in its native country and internationally as well. If I can get you to do anything after reading this it is to read something Australian. 

Acute Misfortune, Erik Jensen (2014) 

If you can be bothered to read reviews, Acute Misfortune has been described extensively if a little  bit dismissively as being ‘novella sized’ and having a ‘gimlet eye’. As if the book was too small and  stuffed with bitter scrutiny to really be worth five stars. It is small and laser focused but it is also  capable of being a biting study of Australian identity to the attentive and sensitive reader. 

Acute Misfortune is the true story of Erik Jensen’s four-year friendship with the Australian painter  Adam Cullen set shortly before Cullen’s death in 2012. It doesn’t hold back. It uses real names and  tells the story as honestly as it can. It analyses why Cullen felt so pressured to behave the way he  did. Drugs, violence, guns and paintings. Substance abuse and shocking behaviour became crutches  holding up Cullen’s life and artistic career. 

Personally I blame former Prime Minister John Howard for all of this. I blame John Howard for a great deal actually. In the late 1980’s and early 1990’s Paul Keating (John Howard’s predecessor) was determined to create a modern, aspirational Australia identity. A nation more in connection to Asia than America or the UK. A thousand, unique blossoms bloom in the garden kind of thing. Howard fundamentally disagreed with this idea. He argued that Australian identity was decisively western, conservative and collective. It was Australia Day, the idea of a fair go, the British Commonwealth and a general distrust of those who  aspire to rise above their station. It was what sat in your gut ,and that your first instinct is your best one.

I see the struggle of Adam Cullen’s life through that clash in Australian ideology. Cullen’s toxic masculinity was a facade, demonstrated to him by the country he inhabited. His rejection of the multifaceted, sophisticated life and his whole-hearted embrace of petty, uncomplicated Australiana is as much the fault of John Howard as it is the artistic landscape of the time. A time of high economic growth and stifled political debate both of which benefited those establishment figures who already possessed both wealth and prestige. What Howard argued was that the ‘Lucky Country’ became instead the ‘Frightened Country’. Scared of immigrants, change and in some cases the reality of the wider world (Marr).

Acute Misfortune is a fantastic and essential read for those people willing to look beyond just the beautifully constructed words on the page. For me, the book reads as a state of the nation in the early 2010’s. Still struggling to emerge from the shadow of Little Johnny Howard and the ignorance of our own cultural output he instilled in generations following his leadership of our large island nation.

Dark Emu, Bruce Pascoe (2014)  

Dark Emu, in my opinion, is probably one of the most interesting books on Australian history you could read today. The intention behind Pascoe’s work is to provide an alternative perspective to Aboriginal history and challenge preconceived ideas of first settlers as primitive and technologically backward.

I’ll be honest with you, Pascoe’s work is by no means utterly faultless; there is arguably a cherry picking of sources and a focus on non-Aboriginal sources. But you have to understand how fascinating both the intention and the effect of Dark Emu had on Melbourne and Australia as a  whole.  

Pascoe argues that in pre-contact times, Australian Aboriginal people weren’t just hunter gatherers; they were agriculturalists who changed their landscape to benefit  their communities. Examples of this include aquaculture in rivers, more permanent kinds of  settlements, and the spreading of seeds. He also contends that this evidence of pre-colonial  Aboriginal societies was often deliberately erased by early colonisers. For some in Australia, the  idea of our enormous continent being anything other than a sunburnt wasteland drove people  literally insane with rage.  

If you read most reviews of Dark Emu, the perception of it is considered mixed. Reviewers talk  about the book’s popularity or use gentle, academic phrases like ‘sparked debate’ and  ‘generated controversy’. This language does not go far enough to convey the tangible effect of the book’s release. People were sincerely upset by this book: media personalities called the whole thing a sham and a  waste of paper. The book tore open holes in the minds of many Australians. Some individuals could  find no academic way of absolutely discrediting Pascoe, so they critiqued his standing as an Aboriginal person instead.  

People who I personally thought of as uninterested in Aboriginal rights, or just non-readers on the  whole, were outraged by Dark Emu at the dinner table. For some, it confirmed their greatest fears,  that Australians had invaded and destroyed a society that already existed here long  before we rocked up and started telling ourselves this was all grass and kangaroos.  

Pascoe doesn’t fall into the quagmire of elaborate language, he writes simply for what is ostensibly an academic book. A big reason why I recommend Dark  Emu is that it is designed to be easy to read and digest.  

More so than any other piece of fiction or nonfiction published in the last decade, Dark Emu has brought a discussion of Australia’s colonial history into the mainstream, and we are all the better for it.  

This House of Grief, Helen Garner (2014)

Helen Garner’s work is the chicken parmigiana of the Australian literary landscape. Her work is fundamental much in the same way the chicken parma is to the traditional pub landscape. Just as every  pub must have a chicken parma special during the week, so too must every Melbourne bookshop  have at least a couple Garners out the back. Much like the parma, she is a reliable seat-filler.

This true crime book is a heart breaking story of a father, Robert Farquharson destroying his family, by murdering his three sons, because he is a broken man. Garner contends that perhaps all men are capable of reaching their breaking point and committing such an act. To do something totally unforgivable. I think Garner hints in this book at the idea of Australian identity being a fragmented thing. An artificial construct designed to shield most people from the harsh realities of living in Australia. More than 95% of Australians are non-indigenous, with no real understanding of why we are here and our short-lived traditions are designed to shield us from that fact rather than help us embrace and overcome it. It helps to come to this land pre-broken, with some kind of family chip on your shoulder. We fight for, purchase and build upon broken, colonised land that was never ours to begin with. It makes sense as to why people and communities who live here can end up perhaps even just a little bit broken. Garner uses the story of Robert Farquharson as a kind of warning, we can all, in different ways, be pushed to a breaking point. 

Garner’s insight and perspective is razor focused. She provides a fascinating examination of Robert Farquharson’s female relatives, and the effect of the children’s deaths on Cindy Gambino and her family. Garner  offers a unique perspective on the world around her by drawing attention to her role as author and  witness rather than trying to blend invisibly in the background. 

Her familiarity with Australian life is why she has had such tremendous success. 1 in every 100 Melburnians claims to have actually met Helen Garner. At swimming pools, super markets, university lunches, book shops and out the front of flinders street station. She is a kind of special literary ghost. I suspect 1 in every 1000 actually has met her.

I saw her speak most recently in 2025 about her most recent book The Mushroom Tapes: Conversations on a Triple Murder, to a packed house at the Melbourne Town Hall. Her words have the ability to transfix and unify, and just as everyone has their favorite pub parma, everyone has their favorite Garner work. This House of Grief is both mine and my mothers.

Their Brilliant Careers: The Fantastic Lives of Sixteen Extraordinary Australian Writers, Ryan  O’Neill (2016) 

They are not real authors, the book is a clever work of fiction. 

Now that I’ve got the headline out of the way. My comments and thoughts. Their Brilliant Careers tells the story of 16 fictional yet highly realized Australian authors, comprising 16 individual but interconnected short stories.

O’Neill was most obviously inspired by Nazi Literature in the Americas by Roberto Bolaño, who in  turn was inspired by Jorge Luis Borges. However O’Neill does so much more than simply mimic  Bolaño or Borges. He gives each of his chosen subjects a unique Australian flair: some cling to the  city, others flee to the regions or the suburbs. There is a restlessness about these characters that the  author captures perfectly with a clean and crisp prose. There is a stylised exactness about this  collection that makes it one of my favourites. Of the individual authors my favourites would  probably be Francis X McVeigh, Vivian Darkbloom and Helen Harkaway. There is a precision and emotion in each of these characters that touches me deeply and personally. I feel like given the right (or wrong) mix of choices I could end up just like them. 

The first time I read the book the individual stories were entertaining, but I didn’t fully appreciate the specifically Australian position of the work. It is a warm and comforting read the second time around. It’s a literary Kath and Kim. A humorous and gently affirming experience that enhances your perspective on what Australian culture can be. 

Their Brilliant Careers works so well because O’Neill is commenting on an absence. There is no  tangible literary landscape in the capital cities or the regions of this country. There are no libraries, cafes or restaurants or small towns famous for its cultural inhabitants. There are small clubs, reading circles and communities scattered like warts on a beautiful face. These blemishes are networking events rather than actual meaningful places of conversation and discussion. Culture is not something ingrained into our society. It has latched on like a parasite. The art, music, theatre, literature and creativity on our continent clings desperately to a hulking beast with Australia branded across its backside.

I enjoy Their Brilliant Careers because of the cultural absence it identified in Australia. There are no real literary cults set up around our writers or journalists in the way they are in America (see Tennessee Williams, Ernest Hemingway, Toni Morrison or Truman Capote for more details). Their Brilliant Careers uses imaginative prose and compact storytelling to explore a kind of literary what if in Australian culture.

The Henson Case, David Marr (2008) 

This non-fiction selection is a hard find, but that, to me, is part of the experience of enjoying a really good book. It’s light and easy to read. The book explores the cultural fallout surrounding the 2008 raiding of a Sydney gallery.

The ‘case’ was a simple one. Bill Henson had been a professional, practising photographer since the mid-1970s.  He had cultivated institutional as well as social support for his work and had several major exhibitions in Melbourne and Sydney. Marr recounts the photographer’s exhibition at Roslyn Oxley9 Gallery in Sydney, and the public media furore  that emerged from its invitation. The author takes a certain delight in naming and shaming those who first  brewed this storm of scandal.

The uproar around Bill Henson’s photos rose to such a level of outrage that the Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd,  described the photos by Henson as “absolutely revolting”. This, for Marr, was the final betrayal. A failure of leadership from a politician who had promised change, who had advocated for the arts when it was convenient, but chose to deliver populist scorn instead. This is the main thrust of Marr’s argument: if we live in the free democracy promised to us, we should have the right to express ourselves,  and to do so without being immediately strung up for crossing unspoken social taboos. Marr takes a refreshingly moderate approach in his criticism and acknowledges that his work is not for everyone. His position is that of strict anti-censorship. 

I think this book reminds its readers of modern events and foreshadows the  cultural quagmire some feel themselves sinking into. First and foremost for me, it would be the removal and reinstatement of Khaled Sabsabi as Australia’s representative at the 2026 Venice  Biennale. Sabsabi was controversially dumped only to then be quietly reinstated as Australia’s representative. His ‘crime’ was depicting Palestinian political figures in his paintings (Jefferson). The fact that Sabsabi, a professional artist has to justify his political perspective and how it relates to his work is an insult to any artist, but particularly to an Australian creative landscape who applauds the socially-aware work of Kaylene Whiskey because it appears harmlessly inoffensive (Silcox).

Interestingly, the title, The Henson Case, also hints at the resolution. Because there was no ‘Henson  Trial’ or ‘Oxley9 Trial’. No charges were ever issued against anybody for these images. Something  happened, some vein was pressed too tightly in the hearts of ordinary Australians.

If Helen Garner is to be a chicken parma, I would argue David Marr is to be a Vodka Soda with Lime. His writing is fundamental. On the surface, you imagine it to be something cheap and simple. Beneath that, you have something that kicks the back of your throat (or the mind, in Marr’s case) when you  really need it to. He is one of the few Australian authors I can think of who will argue with you as a reader and actively try to work you over to his side. He writes convincingly of how individual cases of censorship like this one can cause lasting damage to the Australian cultural landscape. 

These are all really excellent books and well worth a read. Even if you only read one you  will be doing yourself a tremendous favour. If these reviews do anything they should inspire you to support and visit Melbourne. It’s a literary landscape desperate for your attention. It’s in my opinion the greatest city in the world and beyond reproach. I would know because I have never lived anywhere else.

My hope is that, in the future, we see a recognition of Australia as a really unique and special place deserving of cultural attention. We live in what can feel like the perfect beginner’s level to life. Artists like Kaylene Whiskey, Brett Whiteley and Adam Cullen. Writers like Helen Garner, David Marr and Henry Lawson. These are established individuals who I feel have long gone unrecognized for their skill and talent because of their identity. If I want you to do anything I would encourage you to read and embrace something Australian, before it vanishes in a puff of poorly-funded air.

Citations

Jefferson, Dee. After a turbulent year, Australia’s Khaled Sabsabi will present two works at the Venice Biennale. Sydney, The Guardian, 2026. The Guardian Newspaper

Marr, David. His Master’s Voice: The Corruption of Public Debate Under Howard. Quarterly Essay 26 ed., Melbourne, Black Inc., 2007. Accessed 17/5/2026.

Phillips, A. A. The Cultural Cringe. 4th ed., Brisbane, Meanjin, 1950, https://meanjin.com.au/essays/the-cultural-cringe-by-a-a-phillips/. Accessed 16/4/2026.

Silcox, Beejay. The joyful world of Kaylene Whiskey: the Indigenous artist pulling Dolly Parton and Wonder Woman into the outback. Melbourne, The Guardian Newspaper, 2025

The post 5 Aussie Reads appeared first on The New Absurdist.

“It’s because I’m a pig isn’t it? … I did not get the nomination for best actress … can you  honestly say I am not Oscar material? … In this male chauvinist, non pig world, did you ever  think I even stood a chance?”  

Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson at the 52nd Annual Academy Awards.¹ 

I should begin with honesty. A very good place to start. I am not a Muppet fanatic. I have not  always adored Miss Piggy as much as I adore her now. I was, for a long time, much more of an  establishment Disney villain queer. A devoted worshipper at the shrines of Cruella De Vil or  Ursula the Sea Witch. That said, I can happily watch a Muppet film with a glass of wine and enjoy a  pleasant giggle. 

Something about Miss Piggy struck me more deeply than the usual queer coded Disney villains. It  could be the wig. It could be the dress. It is probably the karate chops. As a queer man, I am  constitutionally inclined to admire a confident female character who can karate chop a villain with  one hand and cradle her amphibian lover in the other. 

There is something irresistibly special about Miss Piggy. 

Her position in the public eye fascinates me. How could it not. 

Miss Piggy has been a still performing celebrity since her debut in 1974 as Piggy Lee, a parody of  the singer Peggy Lee, in a Jim Henson television special. ² Since then she has done everything. She has starred in multiple feature films including The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, The  Fantastic Miss Piggy Show and The Muppets Take Manhattan. She has hosted, guest starred, sung  duets, delivered monologues and stolen scenes with alarming ease. 

Through all of this, Piggy has developed a distinct comedic persona, one that draws heavily from  the work of earlier comedic and dramatic female stars. She is a vessel for those classic feminine  sensibilities, preserving them, exaggerating them and carrying them forward into the present day. In  a strange way, she functions as both archive and performance. 

Miss Piggy does not age. She is, much unlike myself, unvarnished by time. 

Because she does not age, she is spared the usual indignities that accompany celebrity longevity.  There is no physical decline to be commented on, no descent into public cognitive fragility, no late  career unraveling that forces audiences to renegotiate how they feel about her. Unlike so many real  celebrities of the past, she does not become an awful person, nor is she reframed through hindsight  as someone whose opinions now make us wince. 

Stars of her era tend to fall into familiar categories. Some become venerated icons, endlessly  rehabilitated and re-contextualised, like Jane Fonda. Others quietly disappear into the fog of  nostalgia, remembered fondly but vaguely, like your Tallulah Bankhead or Lauren Bacall. Miss  Piggy exists in both spaces at once. 

She is a figure of nostalgia and an active character in the contemporary media landscape. 

She is a kind of immortal Carol Burnett, who fittingly appeared as a guest on The Muppet Show in  1980. 

Because of this, Miss Piggy acts as a bridge to the previous century and to older, conventional ideas  about femininity. She embodies them so fully that she is able to subvert them, twisting tradition into  something that still resonates with modern audiences. Her exaggerated glamour becomes  commentary rather than costume. 

Modern pop stars even echo her influence. Chappell Roan, for example, has been rumoured to  draw inspiration from Miss Piggy’s theatrical silhouettes and unapologetic excess. ³ This makes a strange kind of sense. Piggy understood the power of costume long before the internet turned  fashion into a language of identity. 

I am always interested in who Miss Piggy appears alongside. 

On the original Muppet Show, she sang duets with John Denver, Elton John and Raquel Welch.  Piggy is endlessly adaptable. She bends just enough to fit the guest star of the week without ever  losing herself. Her personality is strong but elastic, capable of surviving any context. 

In the most recent iteration of The Muppet Show, she appears beside Sabrina Carpenter. What is  striking here is that Carpenter subtly adjusts herself to fit Miss Piggy, rather than the other way  around. That alone says a great deal about Piggy’s accumulated cultural weight. By embodying  stereotypes and gleefully undermining them, she has somehow become a modern trendsetter. 

This is not something all boundary breaking celebrities manage. 

Plenty of stars who once seemed radical now feel awkward, dated or outright troubling. Scarlett  Johansson and Diane Keaton (until her death) continue to defend Woody Allen. Nicki Minaj has called herself Trump’s number one fan . Patti Lupone being Patti Lupone . ^{5 6} 

Divas age. They change. Often the media reacts badly to those changes, often unfairly. But Miss  Piggy avoids this entire cycle. At the end of the day, she is literally put back in a box and stored  until she is needed again, perfectly preserved. 

Sabrina Carpenter is an interesting choice, but not an inspired one. The new Muppet Show is  intriguing, yet it ultimately feels like a retreat into familiar territory. If you love The Muppet Show,  you might as well just watch the original. It remains sharper, stranger and more alive than its  successors. 

Miss Piggy’s greatest appeal is her ability to function as a bridge. On the surface, she is just a pig  puppet in a wig and a dress. Beneath that surface is a personality capable of making people feel  seen, affirmed and entertained all at once. 

As an entity, Miss Piggy also works as a quiet teaching tool. For audiences still learning about  pronouns, identity and gender norms, she offers an accessible example. You can point to her and  say, notice how this character refuses to be defined by what society expects of her. That is a deeply  uplifting thing, even when it arrives wrapped in satin gloves and dramatic eyelashes. 

Diva worship is basically my religion, and Miss Piggy absolutely deserves a niche, if not a full altar. 

My favourite historical nugget is Miss Piggy’s 1979 campaign for the leading actress Oscar for her  role in The Muppet Movie. It is what I love most about her. It felt like a genuine expression of  character rather than a corporate publicity stunt. That campaign even produced a wonderfully  absurd exchange between ABC’s Hughes Rudd and Academy President Fay Kanin. 

“To see Miss Piggy is to think of Olivia De Haviland, Bette Davis, Katharine Hepburn, Ingrid  Bergman, Oscar winners all. So why shouldn’t Piggy have an Oscar?” 

“You know we all do love Miss Piggy,” Kanin replied, “but the rules of the Academy say that  we give awards and nominations to actors and actresses, not to characters, and since Miss  Piggy is a character, we just can’t, we can’t do that.” 

Miss Piggy, of course, would disagree. And she would be right in doing so.

The post The Glamorous, Immortal Nostalgia of Miss Piggy  appeared first on The New Absurdist.

Would it be so bad to admit that this grief is for the childhood dogs I grew up with? I don’t think I will ever truly stop missing them, remembering them, mistaking the scratch of a branch at the window for their smallfooted bodies waiting to come back inside. The idea of a dog being ‘just a dog’ is a foreign concept to me, despite having heard those words time and time again in my life. 

Sweet things — it was only years ago, some hot summer, the sun baking us in the metal of our boat. My family, a few cousins, and me, on a heat wave weekend. The waters were choppy and unforgiving, but T-bone and Minnie had good lake legs. They knew how to move around, how to stand, when to sit, and when to brace themselves. They had always been the best deckhands on the Cobalt, but as the years bore on in those palmetto days, I saw the change. The new slowness, the minor struggle you could only identify when really searching for it. Before the days were over, though, they would have managed to steal a few chips from my mama. If I had known what times would be the last, I would’ve given them a few more. I would’ve laid by them on the brown floor of the boat the whole ride. 

I try to fill these days with reading, much as I do any other time of the year, but in the winter with more of a desperation. I have been digging through Mary Oliver’s Devotions. Containing some of her best work across many of her different publications, there was a poem that stuck with me the most: Her Grave, which hails from her 2013 poetry collection Dog Songs. 

She would come back, dripping thick water, from the green bog. 

She would fall at my feet, she would draw the black skin 

from her gums, in a hideous and wonderful smile — 

and I would rub my hands over her pricked ears and her 

cunning elbows, 

And I would hug the barrel of her body, amazed at the unassuming 

perfect arch of her neck. 

Dog Songs details the canine companions of Oliver’s life, and expresses the profound love and joy they brought her in details that are etched in a sort of nostalgia. Each poem recalls a dog that she can only continue to love in memory or retrospect. In the language of each poem are intimate recollections of not just their habits and personalities, but their features, their bodies, and the things about each of them that brought a familiarity even in their passing. Her Grave is one of the longest and most heartbreaking of the collection, as she remembers fondly the last days of her dog, Luke. 

It took four of us to carry her into the woods. 

We did not think of music, 

but, anyway, it began to rain 

slowly.

Her wolfish, invitational, half-pounce. 

Her great and lordly satisfaction at having chased something. 

My great and lordly satisfaction at her splash 

of happiness as she barged 

through the pitch pines swiping my face with her 

wild, slightly mossy tongue. 

It is through even the smallest of descriptions that she gives us the devoted imagery of Luke, staving away from any kind of apathetic ennui. It makes sense that Oliver would hone in on furry friends when a great majority of her writing is based in the natural world. However, instead of basing us in her usual lakes, mountains, or forests, we find ourselves in the simple places we often are with our pets. Fields, kitchens, bathrooms. For Her Grave, it is in the hardest of these: those last days, and a resting place. 

Does the hummingbird think he himself invented his crimson throat? 

He is wiser than that, I think. 

A dog lives fifteen years, if you’re lucky. 

Do the cranes crying out in the high clouds 

think it is all their own music? 

A dog comes to you and lives with you in your own house, but you 

do not therefore own her, as you do not own the rain, or the 

trees, or the laws which pertain to them. 

Does the bear wandering in the autumn up the side of the hill 

think all by herself she has imagined the refuge and the refreshment 

of her long slumber? 

A dog can never tell you what she knows from the 

smells of the world, but you know, watching her, that you know 

almost nothing. 

It was in this section that I had to sit with what Oliver was writing. I didn’t understand why she was referencing these animals and critters, or what they meant. I understood that we did not truly own our dogs, but what did that mean here? 

What I did know is that losing a dog is a special grief. And I think that, with human life, we know it to be a fact that we are all going to be gone somehow, some way. From the first time your parents take you by the shoulders and explain that someone, for some reason, is gone forever. From biology classes, from the nightly news, from the interstate, from cemeteries, and from boating accidents. I forgot, though, that this inevitable fate also applies to dogs. As a child there was no such thing as death because I had just barely begun to live. I had always navigated this life with a good dog at my ankles, barking and squirming happily while I giggled and ran with my arms outstretched — a memory that sprawls as far as the bermuda grass that grows to the edge of the cypress trees.

What I came to understand, after pouring over this poem over and over, is that not only do we not truly own our dogs, but they themselves understand this. We can own them, sure, on paper, or even in relationships that bear strong threads that seem impossible to break, completely inseparable. But they are always going to be part of where they originally came, even as we pamper them, adore them, and hold them close. And, somehow, this realization came as a comfort. 

She roved ahead of me through the fields, yet would come back, or 

wait for me, or be somewhere. 

Now she is buried under the pines. 

Nor will I argue it, or pray for anything but modesty, and 

not to be angry. 

I held a lot of frustration when I lost the second of my two dogs. While the first passed peacefully in sleep, the second was not the same. I walked around for weeks with a pent up anger that was melded together in hot tears. While that anger has cooled and replaced itself with acceptance, this poem put me further into something closer to understanding, rather than just blind affirmation. While it did seem she had been taken from me unfairly, there is somewhere where she runs through the grass, finds no faults in her little body, and is overjoyed just to be somewhere, the two of them together. 

Through the trees there is the sound of the wind, palavering. 

The smell of the pine needles, what is it but a taste 

of the infallible energies? 

How strong was her dark body! 

How apt is her grave place. 

How beautiful is her unshakable sleep. 

Finally, 

the slick mountains of love break 

over us. 

Oliver’s love for Luke, just like my own for my dogs, is coated by the knowledge that there is nothing to be done in loss, even as you wish for a way to change things. A love so impeccable and invincible that even a mountain, tall and daunting, breaks softly at the touch of a pure love like a dog’s love. When they leave us, it is not a loss or a derision — rather, it is a thankfulness, a love that sticks around. You may spend all these years without them after, but they spent all of theirs with you. That, for them, is all they need. They are always to be found in the mountains, in the nature they loved in living, in all the corners they once kept.

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Navy blue nights covered in Johnny Cash, early mornings that echoed with warm Iron & Wine and the spiky sound of The Cure. Pieces of moments connected in lyrics of The Sundays, Tyler Childers, Eagles, Alice Phoebe Lou, little stars made of the bright showings like Sufjan Stevens, neon and endlessly shown as I walked from place to place, clicking my feet softly on some asphalt pad, some soft ground of clay dirt. I can’t imagine my life without the music and listening I’ve always had, whether it was some song I snuck from the boat radio while my dad whipped us through Lake Marion, or a tune barely heard from my spot in the back of a pickup truck. Or the late night music that spread around my friends and I in spirals, holding us together with the occasional low-paid cover of a friends band of ours. 

So, when I lost my cheap pair of headphones I’d been using religiously around the end of November, it didn’t go very well at first. They are always in my ears — whether it’s in the early morning for my regular gym routine, or working on one of many essays as I endure my studies at college. It was all the stages of grief that you could name, believing that they’d surely appear again, until days and then weeks passed. Before I knew it I had gone almost 2 months without a constant playing in my ears as I went about my day to day. 

Still, even in my frustration, I found myself listening to a new kind of poetry. Even moreso, returning to a poetry I had forgotten, covered up by my quick moving, crowded life I’ve been so blessed to have. In those times of the day that would usually be watered down by the extra sound, I found moments for boredom that were more beneficial than I had anticipated. From these seven weeks I took 3 main things that I thought would be worth sharing with whoever may come across this piece. 

1. Hearing the birds sing at least once a day is good for your health 

I grew up in days that were almost always outside somehow, whether it was covered in dirt, swimming, or helping my dad with the yard work. It was always so integral to me as a kid waking up before everyone else on those mornings and hearing the mourning doves, Carolina wrens, and mockingbirds call to each other back and forth while the sun still crawled itself from its bed of bald cypress and evergreen. 

Now, at my university, there are many walks through our campus that are bordered in tall oak trees, with branches that reach across the grass-covered quad. The birds that live in these trees never stop their subtle, low songs, only slowing them as the days shorten into smaller pieces of sky blue, the cold crowding in and choking out the leaves. Usually, in my walks from class to class, place to place, I would not pay as much attention to these little voices. In the weeks I spent without music, and even now, as I have gained a new habit of listening more often, I catch the snippets of hellos and goodbyes, following them to the feathered sources in the shapes of chickadees, goldfinches, cardinals, thrashers. My walks have felt all the more peaceful and have made my often stressful days just a little less overwhelming. I’ve found myself going back, leaving to walk to class earlier so as to enjoy it slowly. 

2. Music is better enjoyed when less listened to 

I love to listen to a song over and over until I’ve quite literally drained it of all meaning and life force. Of all the habits I have, it’s definitely one of the worst. The most recent extreme obsession has been Flightless Bird / American Mouth by Iron & Wine — I highly, highly recommend it. I’ve often received messages from friends tracking my listening habits to ask why I had listened to the same song fifteen times in a row, and sometimes more. 

I’ve never quite been able to find a solution to this problem. As much as I could always tell myself I wouldn’t listen to a song over and over until I couldn’t enjoy it anymore, I still would return back to it inevitably. In a weird, unexpected way, not being able to listen to music as often helped. It feels silly — listen to music less, enjoy it more? I was only able to truly listen to music when I would be driving in my car, whether that was to an errand or three hours across the state to my parents house. I was able to appreciate those songs I love all the more because I simply hadn’t heard them in a while. And, while I have never been the type of person to say that withholding something makes it better, music may be one of those very few things. Let the songs marinate a little. Come back to them when the time is right. 

3. Regaining presence in your own life regains your agency to create 

All these things considered, one of the most influential things I found in this seven week long journey was a refreshed ability to write. I can get very, very stressed during the school year here at UNC Chapel Hill. The work can compile on top of me like the Blue Ridge Mountains. And when those stressful times come, not only do I shut myself into my own world that is contained by the gates of my noise-canceling headphones, but I have less time to be creative, and even less willpower to try. I spend so much time writing and working on school related things, that when I finally get the chance to sit down at my desk and flex any creative muscles, they’ve deteriorated in some hidden filing cabinet somewhere in my brain. I’ve always hated this. Writing and art have been a huge part of my life since as early as I could walk. 

Without my headphones, I couldn’t shut myself away from everyone as easily. Sure, if I needed true silence, I could find it in my bedroom. But what I found was that this shutting myself off only made me more stressed, and, by proxy, made it even harder to do my work. I have never been one to give myself enough grace, but in these weeks I have caught myself in these hermit modes that do little to truly help me get any work done. Doing work with a few friends nearby, or next to my boyfriend on the couch while he did his own tasks, was worlds better. And, with this better habit, there was more time to write, more time to paint. Even in this last semester, I was able to work on a piece in this new free time that won me a huge award, and even the cash to replace those lost headphones. If I could allow myself the liberty to talk and enjoy my time working, I could just as easily spend my breaks doing something I loved rather than just doomscrolling on my phone with music blasting in my ears. 

In all the details of my life that have improved since losing those headphones, all of them return back to slowness. I overheard in a conversation that the young people of today can’t live life without headphones in, moving around like zombies in a living world. I’ve always thought that statement was harsher than need be, but now, with my seven weeks cold turkey, I have to agree. How do we come back to our lives that we do everything we can to separate ourselves from? Sometimes it’s just moving a little slower, taking pace without blocking ourselves off, easing tensions. Life with an entire sense cut off feels more like existing. But it doesn’t have to.

The post What I Learned From Seven Weeks Without My Headphones appeared first on The New Absurdist.

But why? 

It’s hard for me to say that old phrase, ‘the kids are alright.’ Especially these days, where it seems that having emotions and showing them somehow equates to being weaker than your peers, or having less resolve to the pains of everyday life. And beyond that; showing positive emotions, like excitement for things to come, or even love. Why is it that we’ve decided that showing love and affection is weakness? 

‘Nonchalance,’ as the word has been assigned to this phenomenon, is something that was popularized by the mass media spread of Tik Tok. Things like this, such as ‘mewing’ or ‘clean girl aesthetic’ (you can name a few, there are thousands) become ingrained in the media that many people, young and old, are consuming. It starts as something weird and needing to be explained, creating curiosity, eventually making itself clear through thousands and thousands of people claiming to subscribe to that concept or idea. 

What’s different about Nonchalance, I think, is that it seems to affect the younger generations a lot more than the older. This is what makes it particularly harmful and even dangerous. The overwhelming damages we were left behind post-pandemic, such as the 25% increase in mental health issues (according to WHO), I believe play a role in the orientation towards the younger folks that exist online. Our world is not the same one we knew before we spent two years away from it, confined to our living rooms, watching as the shift took place. There are some people who say things didn’t change, that this was inevitable and the pandemic only made it seem this way. But the children, the young minds that knew the most important years of life as separation, plastic walls, and distance, those are the ones who would feel it the most. 

The kids, for now, aren’t alright, because what else have they known? There is so much hatred, confusion, and pain, for some it’s easier to push those things to the side, pretend as though they aren’t really there. When was there time to learn how to process the many pieces of everyday life? We were so busy doing everything we could to get the masks off the children, we forgot about the minds that hid behind them. Now, they are scrambling through the brambles of growing older with their only guides being terms that have drifted far from their original meanings, trends that push them further into the patterns of quick dopamine rushes, and coping mechanisms that do more harm than good. On top of all that, the constant horrors that are constantly taking place in our world on a global scale can become overwhelming, and many kids never learned how to regulate those fears and worries. 

I won’t claim a bias case for my own sensitivity. I have always been the kind of person who feels things very deeply — my own emotions, and the emotions of others as well. As a child I always had to be the first of my siblings to get my shots at a doctor appointment, because if I heard their cries from the needles I would be in tears almost instantly. They’d stab my tan skin and send me out to the waiting room. I have always been, and still am, the kind of person to bear all the weight of hurts, pains, loves, joys. I can’t imagine being any other way. Sure, there are times when being this way can feel almost burdensome, worn down by extremities and sorrows that can become consuming in every corner of my life. But, without those feelings, especially those good ones that come with the light parts of being human, I would not have the people in my life that I love so dearly, or the experiences that have made the person I have the opportunity to be. And even if this applies a bias to my argument, it would be unfair to say that there aren’t other people who are just the same, who feel as I feel. 

Who are we as people without feelings and emotions? Every part of being alive is about how we react to the things we see or the things that happen to us. I’ve seen people wanting to blame the kids for wanting to be ‘nonchalant,’ pinning them as soulless or lost. But how would kids know any better when they’ve barely been shown as such? To love, hurt, cry, scream, and laugh is all human, all vital to being. The slow joys of an evening spent with friends, or the prolonged blues of losing something or someone — both are two small parts of a larger whole, one that could never be replaced by nonchalance or dopamine hits that come and go seconds at a time. That is the vital difference between then and now.

So then, the question is: how do we recover from this? What will it take for the pendulum to swing back? 

It has to start small. In the ways that we not only treat the ones who are already pushing it all down, locking away the feelings and shutting off — but all the people around us. There is always time to spend loving, learning, showing, crying, laughing, and there shouldn’t be any shame in those things, no matter how daunting the world around us may be.

The post Vulnerability in the Time of Indifference appeared first on The New Absurdist.

I start this not to suggest that there is anything I feel against this motif. I, too, am a lover of Wendy Cope’s The Orange, or Gary Soto’s Oranges, or even Roisin Kelly’s poem by the same name. My favorite rendition of this is JP Infante’s Yasica, Puerto Plata. 

“When I saw my great-grandmother peel a tangerine with her bare hands while men used knives for oranges, she became god.  I imagined what she could do with the sun.” (excerpt from Yasica, Puerto Plata) 

There is an endearment to writings like these, I think, that a lot of people find. That idea of someone taking you, the orange, in two gentle hands, tearing your skin to find what is truly you, pulpy and tender and hidden away. But why? Where does this come from? Why detach from our human selves and find understanding in citrus? 

Among the many opinionated literary folks of the world, there are some people who are completely exhausted by this idea, even calling it a cliché. Some string it alongside the common writings on pomegranate, a fruit that had come to have symbolism for feminism and love but has since become a sort of indicator for ‘bad,’ ‘performative’ TikTok poetry. The same has begun to happen with figs, after Sylvia Plath’s fig tree concept. 

But I am not here to discuss pomegranates or figs. Rather, I see oranges tumbling down into the same rabbit hole of dilution. 

For one, even as oranges find their way into language and writing time and time again, they can also be found in metaphor and phrases, like in Spanish. The phrase ‘mi media naranja’ or ‘my orange half’ refers to the idea that every person has another half that they are constantly in search of, suggesting a kind of destiny or generational connection that goes far beyond what we see in this one life we see presently. This is often linked back to the Greek myth recorded by Plato in The Symposium, where the idea that every soul is missing its other half is also expressed, claiming that Zeus caused this divide out of the arrogance of humans.

With this origin, I found a sort of poetry alone in the fact that oranges and many citrus fruits are the only fruits to be naturally subdivided, while usually for these orange metaphors the focus is primarily on the peel. You split one open — with a knife, maybe, like JP Infante’s poem — and half the work has been done for you, politely waiting with the segments in their expected places. 

I believe part of our exhaustion with oranges can be found in this. We give them surface level meaning, as surface level as the 3mm vivid, aromatic peel. The irony in this is that part of the symbolism we are always creating with oranges is about seeing things beyond their simplicity, like the orange peel theory; the idea that how or if someone peels an orange for you can indicate affection or care. 

Dare I say this theory has watered down the juice. To stop at the peel is to lose so much of the magic that can be found here! Dig a little deeper into the bright sun of it and find, perhaps, Amy Schmidt’s Abundance, in memory of Mary Oliver. 

“It’s impossible to be lonely 

when you’re zesting an orange. 

Scrape the soft rind once 

and the whole room 

fills with fruit. 

Look around: you have 

more than enough. 

Always have. 

You just didn’t notice 

until now.” 

This poem follows Mary Oliver’s Oranges, which I think also seeks further into the idea. 

“Cut one, the lace of acid 

rushes out, spills over your hands. 

You lick them, manners don’t come into it. 

Orange−the first word you have heard that day−”

(excerpt from Oranges) 

I think what often happens with poetry as it circulates online is a gradual misunderstanding of meanings. This present day loves to take a concept and spin it into one specific thing, keep it contained in a box that doesn’t allow further critical thinking or creativity (like orange peel theory!). We consume things quickly, in small rushes of dopamine that fade as quickly as they come. The same has happened to oranges.

When do the mundane things become beautiful, and vice versa? How does the repetitive nature of our modern day prevent us from being able to enjoy these poetic motifs? Sometimes things must be taken deeper than they are, looked at from a new angle, given new life. What I mean to say is sometimes you can’t garner the meaning from the simplest of explanations or viewpoints. Take a dip into another set of eyes, find the angle. 

To be able to absorb these ideas with a grain of salt — seeing past the misuse and confusion caused by modern day media — is to be able to peel past the skin, find the segments, see what more there is to something mundane.

The post In Defense of Wendy Cope, Gary Soto, Roisin Kelly, etc. appeared first on The New Absurdist.

If you’re unfamiliar, Letterboxd is a social networking platform that allows people to rate, review, and catalog films. It pretty much functions exactly like Goodreads with a laughably bad search function to match.

When I was a more avid reader growing up, there was nothing more satisfying than slamming my latest book shut and immediately typing away on my Goodreads account to publish the most unfiltered, long-winded review.

A friend or two—someone I knew in real life or Tumblr—would like my update, prompting feelings of immense pride and accomplishment to rush in. I was doing a great service. I was a critic offering well-regarded opinions. People trusted my taste in storytelling, an honor and responsibility I did not take lightly.

When Goodreads rolled out its recommendation feature, I was emboldened to continue pushing my favorite books at the top of my friends’ feeds like an absolute menace.

Now I slip my one-sentence, tongue-in-cheek, anonymous Letterboxd reviews in quick, smooth, easy conversations in person or via text. My comments are just as unsolicited, but the validation I get from making myself chuckle alone is enough of a reason for me to keep doing it.

—

I watched Jane Schoenbrun’s A24-distributed film I Saw the TV Glow (2024) and finished New York Times bestseller The Midnight Library by Matt Haig (2020) in tandem. 

On the surface, both stories are pretty different. If they were the same medium, they wouldn’t be in the same genre section in Barnes & Noble or Netflix. Their intended audiences seem far apart as we follow a 35-year-old British woman in present day in The Midnight Library and two queer pubescents in American suburbia in the late 90s to early 2000’s in I Saw the TV Glow. 

Still, I came away from each story equal parts comforted and disturbed by the shared antagonistic passage of time, the mess of people and remnants of wasted potential lost or left behind, the fatigue of existence and repression in a stagnant world, and the life-saving, persisting art that emerges as a constant opposition for stragglers to build identities, homes, and whole communities around.

In The Midnight Library, Nora’s lifeline is the musings of old male philosophers and in I Saw the TV Glow, Owen and Maddy bond over a campy young adult show called The Pink Opaque.

Despite their respective outlets, we witness the nightmares of Nora and Owen actualize in real time: a dead-end, unfulfilled life haunted by what-ifs.

Nora’s what-ifs are a wide range of unrelated choices and passions. Owen dismisses and runs from gender dysphoria, or as it manifests in the film: the possibility that they are an unconscious Isabel, one of the two main characters in The Pink Opaque.

Nora lives out variations of her life through the purgatorial Midnight Library, each book a gateway to an alternate life she could have led. The Pink Opaque starts to bleed into Owen’s reality, but the harder they push this world away, the faster time skips ahead, leaving them with no memories of the past few years-turned-decades as they become more shell than human.

—

The metaphors these stories employ to make their points can be heavy-handed and blinding. (Though personally I enjoyed watching I Saw the TV Glow more than I did reading The Midnight Library.)

I’m aware this is a common crisis among 20-somethings and that other stories have dealt with disassociating from a life passing you by.

When I reminisce and look back on my life (as it’s beginning, thank you), my brain naturally visualizes my Goodreads account, specifically the annual reading challenges and year-end summaries in books. 

I can pick out a book and recall not only the year I read it in, but also the state of mind and circumstances I was in while reading.

If I go through my old rambling Goodreads reviews, skimming through the noticeable lack of punctuation and capitalization in some, and the ecstatic overuse in others, I can focus on the personal tidbits younger me threw in between the lines…as breadcrumbs, almost, leading to…I have no idea where exactly.

I can view my degression as an avid reader laid bare on screen. In 2015 and 2016, I read 53 books each year. In 2022 and 2023, I read a whopping total of 9 and 8.

Eleven months into 2024, I read 4 books including The Midnight Library and two of which being a manga volume and poetry collection. On the flip side, I logged 40 films in my Letterboxd diary.

One way or another, I’m getting my necessary fix of stories. As someone who has had difficulty being in touch with recognizing and feeling what’s real, media in its many forms has shaped and been shaped by how I’ve made sense of my life in that moment in time.

With an amorphous blob of a personality throughout my teenage years, using my favorite books, shows, movies, and music as an escape and front was always an intentional choice to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths.

Over time, I absorbed the stories so that they became a part of me, so that I was unrecognizable without them.

There are two aphorisms both The Midnight Library and I Saw the TV Glow really hinge upon. Without them, there is no purpose to either story. 

Matt Haig writes “three simple words containing the power and potential of a multiverse.” 

I AM ALIVE.

Jane Schoenbrun lingers on a shot of a street covered in chalk doodles and squiggles, framing a clear message.

there is still time

I want the stories I consume to be an extension of who I am, rather than define and form my entire being. 

I’m working on talking more about the experiences I’ve lived and not only the ones I’ve lived vicariously through fictional characters.

In separate discussions about I Saw the TV Glow and The Midnight Library, two friends asked if I had any regrets.

I said I didn’t, I’m too young, but I also don’t know that I’ve made decisions big enough to live out their effects. Or perhaps therein lies the regret: the absence of risk.

The voice that narrates in my head sighs and tells me to keep going.

The post I Walked Through the Midnight Library and Saw the TV Glow appeared first on The New Absurdist.

They were studying in a “lifestyle” school, more precisely a coaching center that teaches English. The students, as per the site, enroll to master the English Language. But it is not the language that they are becoming proficient in, it is in fact an image that they are mastering. Like fair skin, Indians, especially North Indians obsess over the English language. English coaching is as common and affordable as the Glow and Lovely “brightening creams” available in every corner store.

I often feel I might be placed relatively low in the hierarchical state of society, but I cannot ignore the fact that I had the privilege of attending a private English medium school. Since I was four I was taught to speak in a certain way. I knew the difference between “can I come in?” and “may I come in?”. I knew how to roll my r’s or pronounce aitch and not ech. This invisible privilege plays a part in my presentation of self. Over the years, constantly conversing in English has given me a certain level of confidence. I know when to pause, I know how to behave and I know how to be polite. I was taught the invisible rules of this society – the same rules that might be taught in a lifestyle school.

This superiority of English is injected into us from the day we are born. As we start to learn to talk, parents bring home the graphic books decorated with colorful pictures of a bright red apple to learn our A’s, a speckled yellow banana to learn the alphabet B, a curly tailed and fat bellied cat to learn the letter C and so on. But who would want their kids to fall behind? This is the lingua franca, the “window to the world”.

English is used for official purposes such as legislation, judiciary, and communications between the Central Government and the State Government in India and within corporations. Thus the official atmosphere in meetings in corporations and sometimes otherwise is filled with English. Proficiency in English continues to be the sine qua non to better employment in big business firms and even government concerns. Language mediates who gets to speak and where, and who is listened to. Many universities worldwide increasingly favored English in teaching and research, creating a severe disadvantage to non-native speakers.

As soon as I entered 11th grade, like many Indian children, I was on the path of becoming an Engineer. I was enrolled in a high-end coaching center which fed lakhs of students the dream of cracking JEE exams (a competitive entrance exam held for Indian Institute of Technology ). I had just lost my father and as a consequence, my family was suffering through a serious financial crisis. My mother, seeing it as my only chance to crack this exam, borrowed fifty thousand rupees to pay for the coaching fees.

These classes took place in a room as big as an auditorium. It was filled with hundreds of kids my age and older. The voices of teens talking to each other echoed inside the building. A petite girl shifted to make space for me as I took a seat beside her. Two tattered notebooks laid in front of her, notes written in both of them. One was an English notebook with some words with incorrect spellings and another was a notebook filled with paragraphs written in Hindi. I asked her why the two notebooks.

She replied, “I went to a Hindi Medium school so it gets difficult for me to catch up. I need two notebooks: one in which I write what I understand and another in which I write the words I don’t understand. This way, I know which words to study better.” Looking over her face, I realized that I was never going to be as serious as her and lost motivation — she was ready to work twice as hard as me.

English entered our lands for all the wrong reasons. It was forced upon us. Outsiders tricked us and many of us still bear that oppression that was seeded by the Britishers. In India, British policy entailed a willingness to create a class that mirrored the colonizers’ frame of mind. This involved the opening of schools and universities based on British models, which embraced the hegemony of British language and culture. As Indians, the middle-class especially, started to realize that learning English would help them acquire a government job and make their future secure, gradually more people demanded to be educated in English. This resulted in the increase of private secondary schools to cater to these uprising demands in learning English and over time English became the symbol of elitism.

During a documentary shoot I was involved in, our crew had reached a remote village in Uttar Pradesh. While the camera team was setting the frame, a couple of the crew members were chatting up on the sidelines. A scrawny tall man hovered around the camera crew examining the equipment. He was the brother of the person we were about to interview. After surveying, he walked over to us and said, “The camera is quite impressive.” A couple of us looked surprised. One of my crew members carried the conversation while I moved on. At lunch break, the team member said, “That guy speaks amazing English. I did not expect him to speak so fluently.” In truth, we all weren’t expecting that a person belonging to a rural area would speak English so fluently. Our prejudiced mind was surprised.

This perception of elitism played a role in schools as well, creating a lot of shame and anxiety over non-academic matters. Although our crisp white uniforms brought forth a sense of equality between the students, possessions like bags, watches, tiffins, packed meals, and shoes revealed the drastic class differences between us all. The only non-material thing that separated us was language, and that was difficult not to notice. During our English classes we were asked to read the passages from our literature books, teachers selecting children at random or move in rows. Students would prepare beforehand, calculating which paragraph they would end up having to read. Accents and dialects helped us to judge who was part of the elite. If someone mispronounced something, they would not only be embarrassed but also demeaned. Children didn’t do it on purpose, but this inherent need to distinguish “the other” was definitely projected (the teachers attitude never helped either).

As I was growing up it became clear to me that the parents of others that were more educated than my parents spoke better English. By no means were my parents less intelligent, but not being able to speak in fluent English made me uncomfortable and ashamed (a short-coming on my end). I even started to distance myself from “Bhojpuri” the language that my father conversed in with his peers and even in the house. Whenever he used to open up the Mahua channel, where shows of Bhojpuri origin played, I would invariably shudder. It took years to unlearn, and get rid of the shame that I once carried. The shame did not originate from their inability to speak English rather it rooted from the image I constructed of my family.

I once fell upon a huge pile of Bhojpuri books covered with a sheet of dust in an ill kept state. The spines were tattered and the pages were yellow and torn, but I found myself opening up the first book of the pile and turning to a random page. The words felt familiar – I could read them but could not fully grasp the meaning. I photographed the prose to send to my mother, who had grown out of speaking Bhojpuri. During our phone call in the evening I asked her to read some lines from the Bhojpuri book. I heard a familiar tone that I hadn’t heard for the last thirteen years.

Bhojpuri over the years had grown to have attached a rather different image from its origin. Popular songs that generally objectify women or propose endless double meaning statements gradually decreased the gravitas of the language. A language which is older than Hindi. Its folk songs hold the tradition of northern India. This bastardisation of the language made me distance myself from it. I was affected too much by its image. But images change.

Those songs have become a melody that reminds me of a time that was filled with innocence and sometimes cluelessness. A time when I could sit next to my father and watch shows that I never fully comprehended. I remember my father’s voiceless laugh with his big belly bouncing up and down. Sometimes I think the reason why I gradually forgot his voice – because I never really spoke his language.

The post In India, English Is Not Just A Language appeared first on The New Absurdist.

Since the village was near an army base, we needed permission from the local officials to shoot aerial shots of the village and the chain of mountains. Our line producer had managed to get all the permits. I think that as a form of courtesy (mixed with the intrigue that the camera often evokes in people), the officer decided to meet the director.

The army man was tall with an impeccable posture. I don’t remember much about his features, but I did notice that throughout the conversation, his arms were either crossed or gently placed near his hips with his legs wide apart. 

My boss and two other members of my crew greeted the officer with utmost formality. After pleasantries, my boss like every other time went on to explain the purpose of our visit: to make a documentary series on organic farming practices in the states of Uttar Pradesh and Uttarakhand. Any more detail might just cost me my job. 

After a couple of nods and mandatory laughs, the officer presented a proposition to them. I was just across the road near our car with a bunch of my colleagues waiting rather patiently for the conversation to end. After a long day of work, everybody wanted to either lie down or have a long steaming bath. I wanted both. 

“Why don’t you guys visit Badrinath? It’s only about 40 kms away. It’s a once in a lifetime experience,” said the officer with a huge grin on his face, probably proud of the suggestion, “I can pull some strings and get your crew an entry to the temple hassle-free.”

For the readers who do not know about Badrinath: It is a place of great significance for Hindus all over the world. A place of worship which is only open for four months for the pilgrims. Hindus come in great numbers to visit the temple. It is a once in a lifetime experience. But this experience could lead to a greater issue. This plan would mess with the airtight schedule that I had planned with meticulous detailing. 

Since the proposition was in fact a good one, my boss had decided that we would be visiting Badrinath. Almost all the crew members grew excited since it mostly comprised practicing Hindus. 

“Bhagwan ka bulawa aaya hain. God is calling out to us.” 

I, on the other hand, went into a sort of panic – my palms suddenly felt sweaty, my breath quickened and different scenarios started running through my mind. I began re-planning the [week’s] schedule in my head, trying to find the best way to account for this unexpected departure from the plan. 

“Okay so… if we decide to go to Badrinath, then we would have to postpone the recce and then the shoot, which means I have to stay an extra day. Or what if we skip the recce and start with the shoot the day after… then we would be able to complete the shoot within the schedule but the one time we did do that, it was a disaster.” 

The laughs of the suddenly energized crew who were crying and complaining a few seconds ago, agitated me even more. 

The conversation had finally ended and we all sat in our respective cars. My boss sat next to the driver’s seat while I sat just behind his seat. As soon as we boarded the cars, I leaned forward and started babbling, “Sir this is not a good idea. This is a disaster. And why do we need to travel to another place and waste a day? This doesn’t make sense sir. I did not plan this.”

With a calm and heavy voice, he said, “We’ll see what we’ll do. Calm down. I know what’s at stake,” and soon fell asleep. I leaned back and put on my headphones, still thinking about the decision he would take. 

That day, while having our tea in a small shop with old wooden benches and the sweet smell of milk, I realized I may have overreacted to my anxious thoughts. 

“I am sorry sir. It wasn’t my place to say these things. I am really sorry.” I said with remorse. 

With a smile on his round face, he gently tapped my head. We continued to cautiously sip our hot tea, a relief in the cold. It was a little too sweet for my taste but that is the speciality of the hills. 

“You need to let it go. You don’t have to do everything.” This phrase kept ringing in my ears. Something my boss had suggested to me a few times.

To let it go. First of all, I still don’t know what it entirely means. Secondly, the last time that I felt like I had let go, I was lying on the bed day in and out, binging on shows and had become numb to my surroundings. No exercise, irregular food habits and no hope had pushed me into a deep black hole of weight gain and subsequent PCOS or it could be vice-a-versa. It is safe to say that I had no clear ambitions. 

Somehow during Pandemic when all of us faced a collective crisis of existentialism, I decided to convert my longtime hobby into my profession. 

I still remember the first time I attended an online workshop for non-fiction writing. They had asked the participants to add our bios on a Google Docs page that everyone shared. Every time I would type “writer” near my name, my mind would reject it. I did not earn the title yet. How can I be a writer if I haven’t published anything? After much back and forth, writing and then deleting, I chose to write “wannabe writer”. 

As Clarice Lispector wrote, “Writing is just one of the ways of failing”. Something that I was way too familiar with, so I never did put my hopes up.

Gradually, I started sharing this news with family and friends. I was again faced with the familiar expression of pity but somehow for the first time in the longest time encountered hope. 

The closest ones came to my aid. A friend of mine made a short film with me and another one introduced me to my boss. 

During the first couple of months of my job, I was in constant fear. What if they realize that I am a living hoax, a talentless, good-for-nothing pretender? I did not have room for failure. Soon, this job became my everything. 

I spent countless nights researching, reading and writing. After a stomach infection, a UTI, a great number of fevers, sciatica, more than 20 outings, 300 interviews, a bunch of drafts, 2 panic attacks, and numerous 12+ hour shifts later we were ready with the scripts. I even added one more responsibility to my plate and became the Assistant Director of the project because who better to look out for the project than me? 

Letting go meant letting go of control, of not constantly thinking about the next step. To let go meant being complacent with the choices I made and being at risk of ending up on the familiar path of indecision and failure. 

After I came back from this trip, I realized that I never really enjoyed my trips. I always equated them to work. Always stayed a little too focused and on my toes trying to anticipate all the possible problems we could face. I had to bring out the best in me because who wants to see the worst in me? I had forgotten to enjoy the little things. I would chart out the schedules that were planned every second of the shoot. But during my shoots, I started to face the irrevocable nature of change. Every time when we went for a shoot, religiously something new would come up. Sometimes the characters were too shy to speak on the camera, or a rainstorm would delay plans, the research we did was not adequate enough or simply that the characters had changed their practicing styles. On a whim we had to find solutions and sometimes even new storylines. 

To see my scripts and stories crumble apart made my head hurt. The imposter syndrome would suddenly make a comeback. Surprisingly though, whenever we’d let go of expectations, we’d find that the shoot transformed into something new. Sure, it wouldn’t always turn out better, but it would never turn out worse. 

The constant need for change during production challenged me and, in fact, prompted me to give up control. Sharing rooms, sleeping on unfamiliar beds, eating new food, ending up in new locations, meeting familiar and unfamiliar faces, canceled shoots, and whatnot loosened my grip. 

I always felt because of a failed initial career, I was lagging behind my peers- losing a race, so to speak. I felt as if I had no other option than to make a sprint for it.

Recently we were back for a shoot in the hills of Uttarakhand, at a place called Supi. Even though we were covered in padded jackets, somehow the cold managed to penetrate through the thick jackets and into the skin. There was constant cluttering of teeth and the sound of hands rubbing together. The strong winds froze my nose. Unexpectedly, silver specks of snow started falling from the heavy clouds floating above us. Tiny dots started appearing on our black or brown hairs. The frowns on our tired faces slowly converted into smiles. The phones started popping out of everyone’s pockets. Momentarily every one of us had forgotten about the bone-chilling cold. I tried to make some videos of me catching some snowflakes on my hands but failed miserably. A not-so-loud “cut” came out of our director’s mouth. 

The host of the place came running towards us. With a huge grin on her flushed face she exclaimed, “You guys are so lucky. It usually never snows after January.” 

It was a once in a lifetime experience and I wasn’t going to miss it. While documenting the lives of others I had forgotten to document mine. Even worse, I forgot to live my life. 

The snowfall lasted for about an hour. I experienced it all. My phone was filled with hundreds of photos and videos of myself, my colleagues, the mountains, the fluffy dogs, the snow, and possibly everything that would make this memory last forever. 

As the snowfall reached its end, I took a deep breath; a smell loaded with pine and musk that filled me with delight.

The post Learning To Let Go appeared first on The New Absurdist.

In the following review, Rowan M. offers her experience as a girl with a Jewish background who took the initiative to personally learn about what is going on in Palestine. A special thank you to this contributor for her research, and collaborating with the New Absurdist to share her thoughts on these Palestinian films and documentaries.

Rowan M:

While watching these films, I felt both enraged and helpless seeing the way people of Gaza and Palestine were being treated. Each of these films gave me a new perspective and allowed me to learn more about a history that our own educational system has failed to teach us. Much of the content made my stomach turn with sadness, some of the more graphic moments making me cry because of how frustrated I felt. All I could think was, “If I feel like this just WATCHING these events, I can only imagine what it’s like for those facing it first hand”. Films like these remind me how much I still have left to learn about the world.

These films do not have “happy endings”, but rather honest depictions of real life. Each one of these films reminded me how important it is for us, as human beings, to have enough empathy to learn about and help those who are facing such intense oppression. And while I don’t have much to my own name, I will continue to do what I can in order to support Palestine and call for a ceasefire to the ongoing genocide we are witnessing. As the saying goes, “You don’t need to be Palestinian or Muslim to support this fight, you just need to be human”, and we need a lot more humanity now than ever before.

The five films Rowan watched are:

1. Farha
2. Born in Gaza
3. Omar
4. The Present
5. Habibi

Film Synopsis and Review: (Spoiler Alerts!) 

1. Farha: Based on a true story, this film focuses on a young Palestinian girl during the year 1948, who dreams of expanding her education and pursuing schooling in the city rather than get married. However, just as her father is finally allowing her to follow these dreams, it all comes crashing down. Their village is suddenly attacked, bombs flooding the area. Rather than running to escape with her friend, Farha stays behind to try and help her father. She ends up being locked away in a pantry in order to remain safe. Her father promises to come back for her, leaving her trapped for days, running out of food, water, and hope. We also see glimpses of how the IDF soldiers treated her community. In one graphic scene a family attempting to hide is killed, and their newborn son left to lay on the ground due to the IDF soldier not having the heart to crush the baby (since they didn’t wish to “waste a bullet”). The film ends with Farha finally escaping the pantry, seeing both the dead child, and the now abandoned area she once called home. As she leaves, she can only wonder where her father is, though she never saw him again after these events. She lived on to tell her story.
   


2. Born in Gaza: This documentary focuses on the violence of the Israel-Palestine conflict and its effects on the children of Gaza. It follows the story of about ten children who describe what their daily life is like after the horror of the war during the summer of 2014. It details memories they have about specific attacks and bombings, and reflects the trauma they face in regards to it all, including how they are unable to receive much help or mental support.
   


3. Omar: This film explores the lives of three close friends and what it is like for them as freedom fighters living under the control of the Israeli military. After another incident facing violent mistreatment, the three carry out a dangerous mission to attack the IDF in order to support the resistance, killing one of the soldiers in the process. Omar is eventually arrested and faces brutal torture by the IDF. He ends up agreeing to be an informant for them to avoid remaining in jail,  (and also for the sake of his sweetheart). However, he hides his true motives and remains loyal to his alliances, leading to an intense and in depth look at the conflict between Palestine and Israel.
   


4. The Present: A short film about a father and daughter in the Palestinian enclaves of the Israeli-occupied West Bank trying to buy a wedding anniversary gift for the mom of the family. This story explores the difficult life Palestinians face within the West Bank, showing that what would be the most simplest things for some is not for them. It includes the absurd challenges they face as well, trying to navigate a system that is built against them as they do their best to survive.


5. Habibi: This film depicts a modern retelling of a forbidden love story between 7th-century poet Qays ibn al-Mulawwah and his one and only Layla, who meet each other while studying at school. It shows a glimpse into stereotypical roles within their home lives, and the expectations they face as they try to navigate an already deadly world around them. We see how they are mistreated by others, and what happens when they try to run away and together, being harmed by IDF soldiers in the process.

All five films are available to stream on Netflix (US) 

Further watch list (and credit for cover image): Palestine Film Institute

Decolonize Palestine: Reading List

Literary Hub: 40 Books to Understand Palestine

This Is Not A Watermelon by The New Absurdist

The post 5 Palestinian Films to Watch appeared first on The New Absurdist.